Well, things could get a little dicey here when your girlfriend has a male best friend. Platonic friendship is very much possible and healthy, but some behaviors may sometimes hint at issues. Here are the red flags to notice and probably discuss:
Too Much Time Spent Together
Red Flag: If your girlfriend spends too much time with her male best friend, moreover, at the cost of your presently smooth relationship, it could sound a warning bell.
Reason: It can build emotional closeness that might also cast a shadow over your own relationship.
Secrecy and Privacy
Red Flag: She is secretive about communications with him, and insists that conversations are private. This could be a sign of something more than friendship.
Reason: Any relationship needs to have openness when required. Secrets depreciate trust and may signal something being hidden.
Emotional Dependence
Red Flag: If she strongly relies on her male best friend for emotional support and that places you on the outside predominantly, then that is not healthy.
Reason: While friends are important in life’s journey, the major place of emotional support, in a love commitment, should be provided by the other half of the relationship.
Constant Comparisons
Red Flag: In case she continuously compares you to her male best friend, especially making you feel inadequate, that is a big no-no.
Reason: Comparisons feed insecurity and resentment that hurts your relationship.
Physical Touch
Red Flag: Too much physical touching, hugging, sitting close, or other such physical expressions of affection.
Reason: There is, of course, some amount of touching that is appropriate between friends, but it should never reach the degree of being similar to romantic touching.
Jealousy and Defensiveness
Red Flag: If your girlfriend gets defensive or hostile when you bring up concerns about her male best friend, it may be a good idea to find out why.
Reason: One’s defenses could indicate they are guilty or know the boundaries set are not appropriate.
Past Romantic History
Red Flag: If they have any past romantic history together and still remain close, then that is a pretty sticky situation.
Reason: The past feelings can get stirred up, and old dynamics can interfere with your current relationship.
Emotional Manipulation
Red Flag: If he is going to use their male best friend to manipulate her feelings for you or your relationship with her, that is a clear red flag.
Reason: Manipulation means disrespect to your relationship and harmful, which is never ever okay.
Exclusivity in Activities
Red Flag: If they are doing things together that exclude you or make you feel left out, then that could be a problem.
Reason: Relationships thrive on being together, sharing experiences, and making memories together.
Red Flag: “Jokes” or veiled comments that are romantic or sexual in nature, even if to jest, can be a red flag.
Reason: Such comments can blur the lines between friendship and romantic interest.
Addressing Concerns
If you notice any of these red flags, it’s important to approach the situation with sensitivity and open communication:
Have an Open Conversation: Share your feelings and apprehensions, but avoid accusation or blame. Use “I” statements to bring out how certain behaviors make one feel.
Establish Boundaries: Discuss with your better half and come up with what amounts to correct behavior when friends are outside the relationship.
Develop Trust: Reinforce your relationship by bringing in an element of trust and spending quality time together.
Look for a Compromise: Find middle ground that respects your relationship and her friendship.
Professional Help: Do not hesitate to ask for professional help from a relationship counselor if you both need professional advice to handle complex emotions and garner better ways of communicating.
Conclusion
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a male best friend; however, certain traits in actions may signal some problem that needs to be brought under check. By remaining vigilant and maintaining open communication, one can be best assured of a healthy and consensual relationship.
Keep in mind that every relationship is different, and what works in one may not work in the other. The bottom line is respect, understanding, and trust for each other.
